


Koujaku: The Epitome of Hair and Love and Stuffs.

by xavarieu (xav)



Series: MOST WANTED UNUSUAL TREASURE [3]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: M/M, Other, hair x koujakc is canon ur arguments are invalid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:30:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1736276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xav/pseuds/xavarieu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>''oh shit, wrong shampoo''</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. OH NA NAA...WHERE'S MY HAIR

**Author's Note:**

> i lied about the ratings ha...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KOUJAKI JUST LOST HIS D.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied about the ratings ha...and the summary too

Koujack is hella bored. Like seriously bored. He;s been playing with his scissors like all of those yandere anime characters who always plays with sharp stuffs especially scissors because all of them are yandere.

He even cut off his sheets bc there was a lot of sexy time juice on it and he’s too bored to take em off and wash it. He rolled on his bed thinkinh about all of the stuffs he wanted to do when beni suddenly landed on the pile of the scrambled egg sheets out of nowhere(probably went out dating with ren or tori or smth idk).

“ayy cowjack” beni said

“AYYY BIRDIE” koujacku replied

“its beni you fuck” and beni squints at him so hard and flies away again leaving cowjack alone on his bed.

“aww man… BEN COME BACKKKK” koujack sigh out loud, even Clear could hear it even tho he;s somewhere in platinum jail. B ut the bird never come back.

Koujack is alone again, so he ended up standing under the shower. Hes naked tbh. So hot, like the water,, but much hotter bc the water is just warm, not hot…you catch me here???

Anyway, koujaku was shampooing (I could not believe shampooing sounds so much like shame pooing)

Anyway, koujaku was shampooing his hair, it smeelss like cinnamon since his aobert was dating the bara guy and always talk about how that bara guy smells like cinnamon, he would try smell lyke cinnamink too… the shampoo….it feels rly gr8 and his head feels so young and fresh…unlike his D…

Whe n he’s done, he grabbed the towel and starts to dry himself in front of the huge mirrrorrr , he was fascinated by how beautiful his body looks like and always praise himself for having such hella sexy hot bod. He couldn’t help but do the chest dance thingy and laugh at himself. Then closes his eyes as he move the towel to his head… he couldn’t believe his head feel so smooth. 

He hums in delight until h-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahhahahaAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M GOMEN
> 
>  
> 
> there's another few chapters after this...i've been keeping this shit for too long so i decided to split it into a few chapters for fun...


	2. this is a lie u weeaboo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HE JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE

He couldn’t believe his dick.

He couldn’t believe he has gay for aobert.

He couldn’t believe he don’t have STD’s.

He couldn’t believe he likes his hair so much

He couldn’t believe.

He cant

He 

H

HE COULDN’T BELIEVE HE WAS BALD

HIS HAIR…HIS FAB EMO HAIR IS GONE!!!!!

OMGGGGGGGG

WHY DIS

HE COULDN’T BELIEVE THAT HE DON’T HAVE ANY HAIR!!!111!!!!

H E WAS BALD.

SO BALD THAT HE COULD SEE HIS REFLECTION ON THE MIRROR ON HIS HEAD!

The shampoo lied to him, he could not believe

He used to be koujacool…but now he’s just cowjack

he was so angry and he starts to run DRAMAtically before he stumbled on his bed and roll on it like a fangirl having fluffy feels but he’s not feeling the fluff now bc his hair is gone. 

SUDDENLY HE HVE AN AMAZE IDEA. HE WANT S TO CUT OFF EVERY HAIR AVAILABLE IN MIDORIJIMA! 

The idea was so amaze he almost wet his pants (he’s not wearing any anyway…). So cowjack starts to sloth out from his sheet nest and onto the streets with his precious scissors. 

He has this manic grin on his face, he runs naked like a maniac. 

Noiz saw him and just tsk-ed him bc the vet shop is selling rabbits he reallu likes rabbit so much, no one even understand his deep feels. Having rabbits is like the greatest feeling  
ever, greater than having his D bit by aoboo. Unlike cowjack, noiz have this weird fetish over rabbits, he even have bunny pajamas, bunny ears, bunny tails and even a bunny suit.  
Rabbits are amaze and it makes him hard faster than aoba reaching out for his ochinchin.

Anyway, the street was filled with hairs. So many hairs it could make the wig factory rich as fuck. 3 miles away from noiz, koujaki was shaving people’s hair bald and shiny with his magic scissor at the speed of sound. He was hella fasr you cant even imagine with his schlong hanging freely. All of his fangirls was having excessive blood loss due to nosebleed bc they cant handle koujack’s swaggy nakedness. All of the blood now can fill up a pool for the swimming homos in that swimming anime. There’s like blood flood on the streets, pls send your flood donation to the victims through the hotline below:

 

 

Lol jk…this is a fic..who needs donation lol

 

 

But whoooo is that on the steeet….

WOW ITS AOBALD! DO HE GOT THE BOOTY?!?!!?!?

So to make sure, koujakc look at hre booty before screeches “HE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

But he wants to cut hiz hair not checking for the booty and shove his dong in it. He wants to cut it so bad, its like his childhood ambition, cowjaque was doing his thing when the hair in his wet dream was in sight. It makes him harder than titanium steel, not gonna lie he almost come right away. 

That ugly blue mullet sometimes gave him nightmares, well…most of the time. It even haunts him in his wet dreams bc uneven cuts and split ends…who didn’t get nightmares over that?!! Koujaku shudders at the thought. 

Thinking about it makes him more furious, now he’s fast AND furious., so he dragged his scissors like thos e yandere anime character who likes to drag their weapons esp axes..but koko-chan was dragging his scissor which idk how somewhat grows like 78% bigger than its original size. It now looks like the scissors in that sexy anime where the shirts can talk and guys have glowing nipples and crotches. V sexy hmm yeah… makes people rly wet down there. Yea

He wispurs softly “mmmm yea I’m so gonna cut you hmmm” he cut aoboo;s hair and it make aobert moans so loud bc its sensitive, no one touch his hair bc it makes him horny. 

When koujack is done, aobert was super horny and run like a school girl toward s his bara bae and they do the do.

 

*content censored for public viewing*

 

Koujaku’s work is now done and he haz finally unlocked a new achievement. His coil starts to ring and a notification saying that the “Cut Aoba’s Hair” achievement is unlocked. He did the air fist pump up high and hug aoba;s hair tightly so keujak wont b sad wow much love. 

Koujaku went to the back street near da dumpster so he could do the fapfapfap with aobi’s hair but then suddenly something pulled him

IT WAS MINK!!!!111 He could not believe. He didn’t realize that he was fapping to aoba’s hair for almost 4 days straight until mink said “YOU HAVE BEEN FAPPING TO AOBA’S HAIR FOR ALMOST 4 DAYS STRAIGHT!!”

He was anger again. He hated the cinnamink. But he hated mink’s hair so much more bc its not his masterpiece and it is filled with more split ends than aoboa;s hair and it smells funny, so he decided to cut it too!!!

But mink is 2cool and 2strong for koujak, mink took aobit’s hair from koujaks hand an d run like he had diarrhea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAAAA.....BLAME @HEICOPLS ON TWITTER FOR THIS
> 
> AND MY BRAIN


	3. GOTTA GO GOTTA OGA FATUS GOTTA CATCJ EM ALL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> koujaku might be having an orgy with the hairs...who knows

Cowjack was frustrated…. He so sad but still wanna cut some hair n suddenly A GAY JELLYFISH ROBOT FALL DOWN FROM THE SKY!! IT WAS SO GAY! 

koujak grabbd clear’s hair “c CLEAR!! If u don’t help me take back the aobos hair from mink I’ll shave ur head!! I S2G!!”

Clear was so scared at koujakcu and start to pull out something out of his magic pocket….it was blue and long and wait what??!?!?! IS THAT AOBANANA’S HAIR!?!!?!?!?!?! Before kokojar have the chance to react, clear took out his umbrella and starts to fly off with it bc it IS AOBITA’S HAIR!!!

Clear yelled “YOLO” out loud at koujaku since he know that koujaku didn’t have enough stamina to chase after him because koujakc is an old man, so koujaku just let clear go just like dat as he lean on the wall behind him wondering Why th fuc k do ppl like aoboy’s hair so much?? Only gad knows why.

Do th ey even have morgan freeman in this game?!?!?!?! 

When Koujaku lost sight of clear, he cried in the middle of da road like a big old baby.

Hes so sad dat hes bald and still wonders why evryone has the aobooty hair. Hes so frust that his hair starts to grow rly fast like faster than sonikku

His hair grows so fst that he couldn’t control it, it become lyke rapoonsel then out of nowhere a wild toue appears and kidnap koujak and lock him inside a pokeball a.k.a the oval tower and toue starts to “gotta catch em all!” softly at koujack;s ear before he huehuehue to hte platinum jail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what to do with this...again...i;m not drunk. i'm a good person i swear.


	4. MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL. WHY THE FUCK PEOPLE HAVE SPLIT ENDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRUST ME I'M A HAIRDRESSER
> 
>  
> 
> -thats what he said

When he wwake up, his hair was red…he didn’t realize it until trip come riding his lion with cakes on his D and say “yo homie, ur hair is hella rad”

Koujaku, being an old school he is, mistook rad as red because he didn’t know what rad is and both red and rad sounds the same. He just don’t know… poor cow.

“OMFG” scramed koujaku cske s the last thing he wanted to see.he tried to run awei from trio but his HAIR!! TROP HAIR IS SO AMAZE HE WABTS TO DO STUFFS WITH IT BUT HE DIDN’T HAVE SCISSORS WITH HIM..WHAT TO DOOO!??!?!?!?!?!!?

Then he twists his head like all the anime produced by studio shaft and saw his claws. It was rly long, too bad his hands was cuffed behind his back.

Due to his uncontrollable rage, the cuff was broken by this miraculous power he suddenly gains, he looks like hulk now…. A red hulk because if he’s green then he’ll get sued by Marvel for copyright stuffs.

Koujaku then reach out to tripus hair and starts to trim it because it has so many knots and there was cakes on it too! With so much skill, koujaku uses his super sharp claws starts to fix trip’s hair. It was adorable…it almost looks like…..virus?!?!?!?! TRIP NOW LOOKS LIKE VIRUS EXCEPT THAT TURIPPU IS MORE BARA THAN VIRUS. Viru s only drink wine in his whole life. Unlike tripp, trip eat cakes. Lots and lots of cakes. Cake is his lyfe. He could marry all the cake he met. It was such an unhealthy but healthy obsession, people whoo is not trip does not understand.

Koujakc, being a professional coiffeur he is, he took some of trip’s cake and put it on trip’s hair. He don’t have any hair cream so he decided to use the cake cream instead. When he’s done, koujaku was much amazed by his work. He gets a mirror out of nowhere and shove it infront of trip’s face. Even trip was amaze by it.

While trip was preoccupied by his reflection and new hairstyle, koujaku took the chance to scram out of that place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how to end help.
> 
> EVE HELP ME


End file.
